can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
