there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize