Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
