he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
