She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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