My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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