I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
