Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
