Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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