Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
