can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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