She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
