There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
