i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
