I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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