my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
