Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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