Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
