what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
