Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
