under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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