My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
