just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You don't make any sense
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