I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
