what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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