Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
