It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
