the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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