alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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