Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
