all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
