All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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