sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
