I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
