oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
