WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
