i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
