So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize