listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
