Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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