we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
