I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's never too late to be topless.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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