life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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