Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
