You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
