That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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