Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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