I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
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