I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize