I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
