he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
