Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
