I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
