my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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