and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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