Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
