bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No subtext here. People are naked.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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