Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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