I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
