apparently the secret to your success is patron
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How does one acquire holy water?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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