Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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