mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
