The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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