there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
