The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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