The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
