You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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