How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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