I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
