Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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